I Can Only Be With Him If I'm Thin - part 2

Title: I can only be with him if I'm thin

Author : attentionseekin
Pairing: HoMin
Rating: PG13
Summary: Why do they keep trying to feed me?
Warnings: Anorexia nervosa..? (If that’s a warning…?)

Disclaimer : I own nothing!! Plot and story belongs toattentionseekin

                  @http://attentionseekin.livejournal.com/8786.html. I Just want to shared it at all!!

[Chapter 2a]

 

Dear diary,

                I’ve been really good today. I only had a cup of water and 1 fried squid. The squid I forced down because they were watching me again. But don’t worry; I plan to make myself sick when we get back from the photo shoot…

Changmin

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Yunho looked at Changmin’s plate and saw that along with his rice, he’d only picked up one piece of squid throughout the meal to eat along with it. It had been two weeks since the concert and one week since Changmin’s new diet. To be honest Yunho didn’t think Changmin needed to lose weight, but Changmin was adamant that he needed to shed a few pounds at least. After a heavy argument that had the two not speaking for a few days, Yunho let Changmin be, but watched him closely.

[Flashback - Two Weeks ago]

“Changmin? What do you mean you’re going on a diet?

“It means what I said. Yunho I need to do this.”

“But why, you’re beautiful as you are…” Yunho replied baffled.

“You have to say that Yunho... You’re my boyfriend!” Changmin sighed in exasperation. He knew he shouldn’t have said anything to Yunho. He should’ve known that Yunho would become all leader-like and try to talk him out of it… He knew Yunho would be against him and try to keep him at his ‘obese state’ Changmin  thought to himself as he put his hands on his hips in defiance. ‘Oh god, I have love handles..!?’ Changmin thought to himself panicking slightly.

 “I don’t have to… Minnie I'm telling you this because it’s the truth!” Yunho’s voice raised in irritation. Changmin just wasn’t thinking straight at all.

He wasn’t even listening to Yunho anymore as Yunho droned on about, how it was bad enough that the group was on a 1800 calorie diet without Changmin decreasing his own diet, just because of a ‘stupid fan girl’. 

Changmin tuned his ears back to the conversation at that point.

“Yunho… don’t you see???” Changmin consciously wrapped his arms around his body. “If a fan girl could tell I'm putting on weight, then it must be true, I mean they look and obsess over us constantly.” Changmin’s voiced, hunching over slightly, trying to shield his body from Yunho.

Yunho’s heart broke at the look on Changmin’s face. His beautiful, sexy, sweet boyfriend was having body issues all because of a weird fan girl creeping up and sprouting her mouth; and to think he actually signed an autograph for her! Yunho scowled.

Changmin looked up to see Yunho’s scowling face thinking that Yunho was looking at him in disgust. Changmin let out a tiny sob bringing Yunho’s attention back towards the taller man in front of him. Yunho went and hugged Changmin, squeezing tighter as Changmin tried to break from the hold.

“Changmin? Baby, please don’t worry yourself over what some random person says…” Changmin continued to struggle until Yunho had no choice but to pin Changmin to the wall. Even then Changmin fought for freedom wanting to hide himself from Yunho’s eyes.

“Yunho please~… y-you just don’t understand” Changmin whispered, his voice breaking.

“What don’t I understand” Yunho unintentionally snapped at the latter, as Changmin’s body lay lax in his grip, turning his face away from the angry gaze Yunho shot at him. “Do you mean I don’t understand the fact that my boyfriend who I love and care for wants to KILL himself?! I don’t understand that my boyfriend wants to starve himself further than this company already does? I just can’t believe you would stand in front of me telling me that I don’t understand when I understand a hell of a lot more than you do.” Yunho’s voice had raised causing Changmin to shrink from his wrath, but Yunho still continued seething with anger. “And you dare tell me I don’t understand when you KNOW…” Yunho’s voice broke at this point “…You know what happened to JiHye… w-when me and Omma had to bury her, she was nothing but a pile of bones Changmin ah… t-there was nothing to her at all…” Yunho drew a deep breath as sadness wash over him “… Yet, you want to come to me, and tell me that you want to diet when your body is in fatigue from the concert and our daily calorie intake is already that, less of a woman’s diet?!!

“Yunho, I understand that JiHye had Bulimia but I won’t go that far, I’ll just cut down another 500 calories and train harder and-”

“ENOUGH! If anything you should be eating more not less. Don’t you remember the times when you could eat 9 meals a day? You never worried about your weight then, and you don’t need to now. Yunho said, voice strained and anger back in place.

“THAT’S THE POINT!!!” Changmin screamed at him. “I’ve been eating too much!! And it’s this group’s entire fault” Changmin said pointing at Yunho’s chest before pushing Yunho away, spinning around to Yunho direction. “It’s you, with the “Eat up Minnie~” it’s Jaejoong with “I made you some food dongsaeng, I’ll cry if you don’t eat it” it’s Yoochun with “Wow Changmin ah you can eat so much, that’s so amazing”” Changmin paused to take a breath before continuing “and Junsu is no angel always adding extra fattening meats to my bowl at dinners” Changmin heaved, anger in his eyes as he blamed his members.

Yunho “WELL, if that’s how you feel then FINE! Do what you want. Since you say I'm making you FAT; but don’t expect me to share a room with you, because I don’t want the displeasure of watching you waste away, and I definitely don’t want to hug a skeleton at night Changmin” Yunho seethed, as he watched Changmin’s face fall. All the anger drained out of his face and hurt took its place.

“You just want me to be FAT, don’t you?!!” Changmin yelled with tears in the corner of his eyes before stomping out of the room, a few moments later the slam of the bedroom door could be heard.

Fifteen minutes later Yoochun came into the room Changmin had just exited and stared at Yunho. Yunho was still upset, but saw the worried look on Yoochun’s face, and his face softened.

What’s up Chun?” he asked as calmly as he could, trying to compose himself.

“Su’s lying on the counter crying… I – I just came back and he won’t tell me what’s wrong” Yoochun tiredly replied.

Yunho sighed before walking towards the door to leave. “I’ll go talk to him” before closing the door behind him.

Reaching the hallway, Yunho saw Junsu curled into himself, and went to go sit next to him. Yunho already knew what was wrong without having to ask. Junsu was obviously upset about Changmin’s and Yunho’s fight; Junsu was always the most sensitive one out of the five. Yunho rubbed along Junsu’s back as Junsu sniffled a little. Yunho didn’t say much to Junsu, instead decided to hug Junsu and whisper calming words in the others ear until Junsu calmed down.

“You won’t be mad at Changmin forever right?” Junsu quietly asked.

“It’s not me that’s in the wrong Su… and I can’t forgive him until he realizes that what he wants to do is madness, I can’t stop him, but I won’t condone it either” Yunho replied before sighing, he then asked Junsu

“Su, c-can I bunk in your room with you tonight?” Junsu just nodded before letting Yunho hug him in comfort. What Yunho didn’t see was the door to his and Changmin’s room open.

‘He doesn’t want me anymore’ Changmin thought as he watched Yunho hug Junsu, burying his head in Junsu’s back.

He silently closed the door behind him.

to be continued..