Simply

When I already crazy about Homin, I found this fanfic...

Its so romantic...!! Wish I could be "changmin" in that moment...

Simply 

Title: Simply

Author: Sum3r  ( http://sum3r.livejournal.com/5400.html )    

Genre: Romance/Slight angst?
Pairing: JaeMin

Rating: PG-13 – PG-17

Summary: Jaejoong waits for Min to express his feelings, hurting him but wanting him all the same.

Disclaimer: Plot and story belongs to http://sum3r.livejournal.com/5400.html

 

 Part I

In the beginning, it was simply because he was the youngest and you were the eldest. He was new to SM, only 15 when he first entered the building. You were already with Yunho at that time and knew the struggles of being a potential star. So you offered to help. You showed him around, introduced him to your friends and even led him to dance practice with Yunho. You knew you had a cold face, one that masked how you felt and barely let anyone in, but he didn’t care. He followed you wherever you went and believed in everything you said. You grew accustomed to him; to his smiles, to his laughs, to the way he called you “Jaejoong hyung” as though you were the center of his world.

When you realized that he was going to be a group….YOUR group, you could not help but be happy. He had talent and you knew it, but to be in the same group with him was fate. It simply had to be. He was ecstatic too- being in the same group with you was amazing, he said over and over. You smiled and ruffled his hair. Yunho came after that, and you smiled once again. You weren’t surprised though. Yunho’s deep voice matched your high one perfectly so you knew you would end up being with him. Junsu and Yoochun were a surprise, however, but you didn’t mind. Their different personalities and voice ranges just added to the group and thus you and the four of them debuted as Dong Bang Shin Ki. 

It was simply after a few months when you started noticing the change. The way you would notice every move he made or whatever feeling he felt. How he would laugh suddenly at Junsu’s joke and his mismatched eyes would appear. The way he would always be there whenever you were tired, or needed a rest. How he always begged you for more food, even though you knew fully well he had already eaten.

Then you started noticing the other feelings as well.

The feeling you got whenever he would say “Junsu hyung!” or how his eyes would light up in appreciation to Yunho for the dancing tip. The way he would go to Micky and they would spend hours pouring over a new song.

They are a group

You would say to yourself. But that didn’t change the way you felt.

He needs other people in his life. Not only you...

But that didn’t change the need to make him yours.

Just because you love him this much doesn’t mean your love is mutual.

So you would make it mutual. You would make him need you the way you needed him. Even if you confused him, hurt him, you didn’t care. Because in the end he would always come to you. And that’s simply how you wanted it to be. 

Part II

At first you slowly started ignoring him. You didn’t give him the usual special attention that you always did. You stopped making midnight snacks and only cooked once in a while for him. You would spend more time with the other members, making sure that there were less and less meetings with only you and him. You even gave him back his pajamas, saying how you weren’t interested in his Hamtaros anymore. You made him feel the distance between you and him and it hurt him.

Usually, when you would enter the room, he would give you a smile, one that reached his eyes and made them mismatched. Now, when you would enter, he would smile, but it would slowly fall off as he realizes it is not him you are sitting next to, but either Micky, or Junsu, or Yunho.  He would constantly give you confused looks and even questioned you one day after an interview.

“Jaejoong hyung, did I do something wrong?”

“I don’t understand what you are saying Changmin.”

“Then why are you treating differently than before? Why the distance and—“

“It’s nothing Changmin, I’m just treating you the same as everybody else.”

You turned you back to him, but not before seeing the hurt in his eyes. It was cruel, you knew, what you was doing to him.

But its worth it.

He came to you that same night. I didn’t want to be the same as everyone else, he said. I liked the way you treated me before. I liked being special. So please…

You took him in your arms without any hesitation. You apologized, saying you were sorry for hurting him, saying you didn’t know, and as the lies stopped coming out of mouth, you simply stopped talking. You just held him, made him feel your heartbeat. You stroked his hair and laid him down in your bed, telling him that it was okay to sleep in his hyung’s bed for one night. You didn’t tell him what your thoughts were at that time. You simply smiled at him and knew he was confused as to why your eyes had gone dark. But you didn’t say anything. You watched him go to sleep and pretended to play the older, caring hyung as other thoughts played across your mind and other feelings ran around your body. Obviously you could not sleep in the same bed as him, the need was too strong. So you went to the living room. You lay down on the couch and began thinking about the second part of the plan.

Part III

For the next couple of weeks, you gave him the special attention he wanted. You cooked for him, smiled for him and spent more time with him. However, you left him feeling an empty distance whenever you walked out on him. You knew he couldn’t understand his feelings, as he would try to be with the other members more. It hurt you to watch as he would spend more time with each member, trying to fill in that empty space.

Its all for the best 

You told yourself. But it still hurt you to watch him trying to get close to the other members.

It will all turn out in the end.

He was almost 17 now, you mused. It was time to show him what that empty space was. Obviously he could not find it from the other members, as he stopped getting affectionate with them. 

So instead, you got youself a girlfriend. Jessica was also part of SM, but while you were an international star, she was but a trainee. You didn’t mind. She was stupid enough to fall for your looks and believe you when you said she was special. You made sure to show her around to the other members and staff, but most importantly, to a certain brown-haired dongseng.

You made sure he was looking when you held her hand, or when you spoke into her ear. You made sure he was in the same room when you talked to her with a low voice and she giggled back. Her annoying high-pitched giggle. But what you especially made sure was that he would enter the room where you would kiss her. Everytime. And everytime he would turn away and run out of the room, but not before you would find shock and confusion in his eyes, as well as hurt.

He grew quieter and quieter with each passing day. And although you broke up with her, he would still continue to be silent. The others dismissed him as being shy, and you didn’t mind it. The more quiet he became, the less he would stand out, the less he would stand out, the less fans would notice him, and the less fans the better. So you made sure you were always in the camera all the time. You didn’t want others to notice him.

Why,

You would always ask yourself

There were so many others…

But you knew the reason

Why him?

Because he was special. Because he was Changmin and to you, he would always be special. You needed him by your side. You needed his comfort and his smiles. You needed his care and most importantly his love. You simply knew you could not imagine a life without him.

When you heard the news and they finally told you about the drama, you knew this was the chance. You were tired of waiting. Tired of only stealing glances and not touching. He was still confused; you saw it in his eyes. The way he would be close to you one minute, but far away the next. He couldn’t figure out his feelings or if he had, whether he should act upon them.

So you agreed. Yunho agreed as well, and the next thing anybody knew, DBSK was filming Dangerous Love. You saw the shock go through his eyes when he first read the script, quickly followed by pain. Inwardly, you smiled. God had given you this chance, so you would take it, take it and make sure Nothing goes wrong. Nothing.

You and Yunho started filming. He, Junsu and Micky had finished their scenes already so it was only you and Yunho left. Whenever you and Yunho started performing a scene together, you saw him turn away, saw him turn his eyes away, saw him slowly break apart. After a while he slowly stopped talking. He stopped talking and it seems he doesn’t get sleep at night. Everybody became worried.

Changmin-ah, are you okay? Is everything alright?

I’m fine. He would answer, but you knew different, you knew the reason why he was acting this way, and it hurts you. You want to go to him and take him into your arms like that night years ago. You want to tell him it’s going to be okay and that….

And that you love him.

But you wait. As hard as it is, you wait for him. You wait for him to come to you. You wait for him to figure out his feelings and to finally come clean. So you wait.

It was the night when the filming finally finished when it happened.

Finally! I can’t look at you anymore Jaejoong, it makes me too warm. Yunho says, making everybody laugh.

But do you think it’s true? That people are really writing all these fanfics about us? Junsu asks. You laugh a fake laugh and say

Of course. Me and Yunho make a good couple, don’t you think? What do you say Yunho? He’s looking at you. He looking at you again and it almost makes you not want to turn to him, but you do. You do and you see his red eyes. Your heart starts beating rapidly but you don’t say anything. You continue looking at him, ignoring whatever reply Yunho gave. He heard it though; he heard it and quietly stands up leaving the room.

Hahahaha, of course Jaejoong, of course. Yunho says.

You can’t sleep tonight. You toss and turn, but you can’t settle down. Your mind thinks only of him and his thoughts.

Is he thinking of me? I know he loves me, but will he come to me? How long do I have to wait to make him mine? To show the world that he is mine, and mine alone? How long? These thoughts swirl around your head, making it impossible to sleep.

Then you hear a knock upon the door. Another knock and changmin slowly enters the room. You can barely see him, but you feel him. You feel him coming near you. You always liked the way he moved, almost hesitant a first, but then stronger when he realizes where he is going. As he comes closer to you, your heart starts beating more rapidly. More loudly. Your afraid he might hear it, might notice how you are.

Hyung?

He says softly. You slowly move up, acting like the caring and older hyung.

Changmin? It’s almost 2 in the morning, are you okay? But you knew better. You try to stifle your rising breaths and excitement. You lift up the covers of your bed and he sits in the corner. As far away as possible.

are you alright? you ask again. He slowly rocks back and forth as you wait for a reply.

I-I..i don’t really have an appetite anymore. He says softly, nervously. Even though I like to play video games or joke around…i..i-I cant. I just can’t. I can’t get any sleep at night either. i..i— 

He stops. Your heart stops.

You slowly take his hand and hold them in your own. You make him face you and look into his eyes. You come closer and he almost backs away, but you stop. You look into he confused eyes.

What is the matter Changmin? You can tell me anything, you know. Ill be there for you. He eyes go down upon yours and his intertwined hands.

That’s the reason hyung…i-I wanna tell you, but I-i-don’t want you to reject me. He shudders at this, a single tear expressing how he felt. You slowly wiped away his tear and although it is taking everything you have to hold you back, you wait. You wait for his words.

Tell me what changmin?

Tell-l you…tell you that i-i-..that I love you. I love you more than a hyung, m-more than a member. I want you to be with me jaejoong hyung. Please don’t let me go. He looks up at you and you see the need in his eyes. You stay still while you replay the words in you head.

I love you.

more than a hyung.

please don’t let me go.

Your heart stops once again. You have waited for these words. Waited for them ever since you met him at SM entertainment, ever since you became friends. Simply, you waited for these words practically your entire life.

But he’s looking at you now. Looking and since you are silent, he tries to stop his tears and moves to get up.

I’m sorry hyung for distur- He loses his words as you capture them with your lips. You kiss him softly, trying to hold back. You know this is his first kiss and you are pleased, very pleased. He stays still for a moment, but slowly kisses you back.

Soft kisses. 

Kisses where you slowly feel the taste of his lips with your own. But it can’t be enough. It can never be enough. So when you break apart, and you see his tousled hair and dark eyes, you can’t stop. Not now. You kiss him again, fiercely this time, slowly pushing him down on your bed. He doesn’t complain, doesn’t make the movement to leave. You smile with your lips and as he opens his for more air, you quickly dart in, pushing your tongue inside his mouth to get a further taste. He softly moans once and then again when your hand slowly travels upward, taking his shirt with him.

He moans again when you lift your lips from his mouth, only to kiss his neck.

jaejooonggg~ He moans softly. You lift up your head to notice his swollen lips and dark eyes.

You think it’s lucky that your room used to be a music room as you further pin down his body and straddle him from the top.

You think it’s lucky that it’s soundproof as Changmin slowly moans your name, get louder each and every time you touch him, whispers turning into screams.

You think it’s lucky that the door is locked as he twist and turns into your bed, arching his back while tears of pain and pleasure flow down his face.

You think it’s lucky that it is the middle of the night as you grab him and kiss him again, forcing your tongue in a deepening kiss.

But you stop thinking about anything as you slid into him, covering his cries with your lips as he grabs into your back, nails scraping into your skin.

And as you slowly start moving inside him, feel him all around you, you stop thinking at all.

The next morning you wake up earlier than the rest and simply watch his face until the sun comes up. You stay still and notice every move, murmur and sigh he makes. You are fully satisfied and feel content just staying the way you are. You see him shuffle around the bed, looking for your warmth and the body he pressed into before going to sleep. He slowly opens his eyes and you go near him, your eyes gazing into his.

“Good Morning sleepyhead.” You say, kissing him softly on the lips. He smiles in response, giving a happy one you did not see in a while. You smile back, even happier that you are the reason for the smile, the reason for his moods, and his daily patterns. You are pleased with the way things turned out and plan to keep it this way. No matter what.

He gets up, rubbing his back and saying he wants to take a shower. You smile back, not showing any hint of your thoughts as you reply.

"Of course. Let me help you though, it IS my fault for your pains."

He blushes a deep red and turns his head away from you. You laugh, a deep laugh, covering your fingers as he turns back and continues to blush.

You carry him into the bathroom. He blushes again and tells you that its okay, he can do it himself.

You don’t tell him the reason why you followed him. Why you helped him remove his clothes and slowly start cleaning him. You, once again, play the caring hyung who cares for his younger dongseng.

After a while he stops his protests, and simply leans back to enjoy your touch. He closes his eyes as you massage his body with soap and water.

I…I think I wanted your touch

He says. His eyes still closed with his back towards you. You still for a moment but continue lathering his back as he continues.

In the beginning…in the beginning I wasn’t sure. I wanted to special to you, and I was happy when you returned my affections. But..then you went out with Jessica. He falters for a moment but then…

I wanted to be in your arms. I wanted to be the one who you kissed. I was jealous…jealous of a girl I don’t even know, a girl who probably did nothing wrong .I’m sorry Jarjoong hyung…I’m sorry. I’m sorr-

You turn him around, and press a finger on his lips. He stills, looking straight at you. Your come closer to his face, nipping his earlobe with your tongue.

I waited for four years Minnie-ah.

you whisper into his ears, your breath hot as he grips your shoulder. You slowly face him again, your eyes on his as your breathe into him, his lip inches from your own. He unconsciously leans into you, wanting the touch, but craving to hear your words more. His surprise is etched into his face, but the need for reassurance is what you notice in his eyes.

Four years Minnie-ah…do you know what four years mean? Your finger begins grazing his cheek, your other hand lightly touching his back. Your eyes narrow as you flick them from his lips to his eyes. Back and forth. Back and forth.

Four years passing with only the lightest of touches. Four years on imagining what we could have had. You flick your eyes back into his as you begin touching his lips, first outlining them and then feeling the softness as you rub them.  He opens his lips voluntary as your finger enters his mouth, his tongue immediately wrapping around it. He looks back into your eyes, as yours become dark.

Jessica was Nothing to me. Never was, never will be. I waited for you…and now that I have you…I’m not letting you go. You slowly pull your finger out, but before he protests or says something in response, you kiss him. Hard.

He melts into the kiss as you deepen it, your tongue probing his outer lip before he opens up.

You need to keep yourself in control, you tell yourself over and over. Control.

But that doesn’t stop you from picking him up bridal style and pushing him into the tub. That doesn’t stop you from getting into the tub and pushing the curtains aside.

Right n-now? Hyung, I d-don’t th-

You grab his shoulders and push him into the stone tiles of the bathroom walls. You turn on the shower with full blast as you kiss him again. He tries to push you away, but before they even touch your chest, you grab them with your hand and pull them away, pull them above his head. You slowly start sucking on his bottom lip before you move up, pushing your tongue into his mouth once again. He knows this feeling. He already has felt it before, so he starts kissing you back. He feels reassured you want him, happy it was him you waited for. He wants to feel you, feel only you. He begins to pull on your shirt, tugging and lifting it. You slowly break apart as he breaths heavily for air.

“Hyuuuung,” he moans softly into your ear. “Please.”

You don’t have to notice his lust filled eyes, or feel his shudders as he grasps hard into you. All you notice is the way he holds you, the way he presses deep as though he doesn’t want even air to get in between.

 At this point you begin to lose whatever rationality you had. Although your shirt and pajamas are already wet, You take them off and throw them away, wanting to directly feel his skin. He continues to press himself into as you begin to bite and suck his neck. He moans in response as you slowly move down leaving bite marks everywhere you press your lips into his skin.

All the short, small touches you had with him before was nothing compared to this. You could not even fathom that you would have him pressed up against you, wet and trembling for more. You slowly take him into your mouth as one hand lightly grips into his hips. He jerks in response, covering his cry with his hands. He slowly sinks down into the bathroom tub, his back digging into the wall as you feel him near his release.

You take all of it. Every single drop. You make sure he sees you swallow it. Make sure he sees you lick it off your hands. He looks back at you with heavy eyes, half closed with desire.

You knew doing it again in too short of a time would only hurt him. But as he reached for you, you just didn’t care. Taking him the first time filled you with satisfaction. Now you wanted him more, wanted to taste him more. Instead of taking, you wanted to give. With his back to the wall and his legs already spread between you, you fall into his embrace. You take his mouth as you slowly enter him again, filling him and stretching into him. His nails bit into your back, drawing blood as you fill him in completely.

It was when you started to move, as he tore his lips from your mouth, gasping and arching his back when you realize you could never give this up. He wraps his legs behind as you with every move, every thrust you make.

He shudders against you as cold water fall upon you both and you realize, you know that you would repeat this again. Repeat it again and again so that it was only you who could get him into this state. It would only be you who would touch him like this and as he groans your name from the back of his throat, it would only be you who would make him feel like this.

You slowly dry him up, rubbing a towel to his hair and wrapping him in a bathrobe. He lets you do as you please since he can barely move himself. He simply looks at you as you clean up, watching you move with eyes bright and filled with love.

As you finish up cleaning, you notice his head leaning down, his eyes closed as his breaths fall into a rhythm.

I love you Minnie-ah. You breathe into his ear. He twitches, his hand going to swipe his ear before falling down.

You slowly and silently swing his arm over you shoulder, open the bathroom door and proceed to take him into his room.

Naturally, they were in the kitchen; unsuccessfully making breakfast when Junsu hears your heavy footsteps.

Jaejoong, you were taking too long in the shower! And did you notice where ch-

He notices you. They all notice you. They stop what they were doing and you look into their eyes. Into Micky’s shocked ones, into Junsu’s confused ones and finally into Yunho’s surprised ones.

Wha…. Micky began, but you simply grab Changmin tighter. This was of no surprise to you. You knew this confrontation could not be avoided when you took him the first night. Knew it when you decided to make him fall for you years ago.

Let me put him into bed. I’ll be out in a minute. We will need to talk.

They all stare at your back as you walk away, hearing Junsu’s voice once more before you close the door.

Changmin-ah? W-when did this--?

You close the door and gently put him to bed. You lay him upon the sheets and cover him, as he turns to his side immediately and breathes out evenly. You wish to join him in the bed, to pull him close and hear his heartbeat. To hold him in the simplest way possible, even for a second in this haven.

You close the door behind you as you enter into the living room, where the rest lay sitting. Yunho took the love seat, his legs crossed, his face worried and thoughtful. Yoochun and Junsu took the sofa, Yoochun with his eyes on his interlocked hands, pondering and Junsu with his confused and disbelief look shown straight on his face.

As you enter and take the second loveseat across from them, they all look at you, waiting for you to talk, to explain, to tell them.

Changmin is mine. You almost winch at the words, knowing that this is not what is supposed to be said. But you continue on regardless, with no emotion, no tone in you voice.

Yes, what you did see was correct. We are together—together as in a couple, as lovers. We have had feelings for each other for some time and now, we plan to be open with it.

You make your face unreadable, with no emotion and no hints of any of the thoughts racing around your mind.

But Jessica-ah – states Junsu – did you know before that you—

Yes. I have waited for three years. Junsu doesn’t say anything after that and there is silence. Lost in their thoughts, you wait for a bit. You greet silence with silence—leaving yourself open with any objections.

I will not let him go. Understand that, Accept it. This is who we are and what we will be. This time, you add force into the words. Saying them slowly and emphasizing the important parts, you make it clear to them. You each into their eyes and silently you tell them to make a decision.

Yunho is first. He looks at you, his eyes thoughtful, but with no malice or disgust. Maybe he knew, you thought, he was your best friend after all….maybe he understood from the beginning.

As long as it does not disrupt TVXQ’s activities, then as leader-shi, I do no object, says U-Know Yunho, leader of TVXQ. You knew he was already thinking about what will happen when it will end, but breaking-up was never an option to you. It was always, always about getting him, ending up together that breaking-up never entered your mind. And you knew that it will never happen. You will make sure it will never occur.

He gets up first and moves to leave, but not before he clasps your shoulder and presses hard.

I am happy for you, says Jung Yunho, best friend of Jaejoong. You nod your head with his acceptance, masking the relief in your eyes. But as you look towards the other two, your shoulders stay stiff, your posture rigid.

We have an interview in about an hour and a half. Get ready. He states out loud before leaving and heading into his room, as though this was a simple meeting. Maybe it was.

Yoochun is next. He looks at you, a question in his eyes. You thoughtfully ponder his movements and begin to notice his previous actions, little tid-bits you missed because it was Min whom you always looked at, Min whom you paid attention to. Maybe that was the reason why you missed his actions, and the way he would silently stare at the other member. Getting hot and cold, with the extra touches, and the looks.

­He was the only one for me. I accepted it a while ago. You say, giving him the words he needs to hear. He nods to you, understanding and glances at Junsu, giving proof to your thoughts. He then gets up.

It will be hard, but I think…I think you will be good to him. Good for him. You nod again, telling him that you knew. He looks at you one more time before he walks away, leaving only Junsu behind.

He makes a move to open his mouth, but then he closes it, his shoulders sagging as he fully grasps into the situation. You look to him, into his eyes, as he stares back, as though he wants to get the answer from within there. Maybe he did, you ask, as after a few seconds, he seems satisfied with what he has seen. Then he asks the one question you did not voice out, one question that the members did not say.

Do you love him? A simple question.

Yes. A simple answer. He then gets up, and puts his arms around you. You’re surprised, but you gently reciprocate back without missing a beat as he whispers It was hard, ne? Your stop your eyes from widening, only looking at him as he slowly pulls back. He gives you a small smile before he turns away, heading into his room as he leaves you standing there.

You still for a moment, replying the last moments until you are sure that it was the truth, sure that everything, for the moment, has worked out fine. You take a deep breath before you head back into his room. You close the door gently behind you slide into the bed sheets, coming near him, but barely touching him. You stare at him for a moment, realizing you do not have enough time, that it was only early morning, the fact that you need to make a full breakfast, make sure he will be okay for the rest of the activities, that you need to switch rooms.

But as you get closer, putting his head on your chest as you wrap your fingers across his waist, you close your eyes and listen to his heartbeats, matching yours with his. These realizations escape as you lose yourself with these feelings, if only for an hour, a minute, a second longer with him.

Why? You would ask yourself. Because he was simply yours.